Easier said than done

I often wonder why the simplest things in life seem to be the hardest to do. I have recently come to the conclusion that wanting a fun, simple, light relationship-ish with a boy who's cool, smart and great in bed is just about the most impossible thing to find. A year ago I was in an extremely intense, very deeply in-love relationship that ended about 40 years before I thought it would. Followed that were two brief flings that we thought fit the previously mentioned description - one, new, the other a rekindling of something old. Queen of the Grey Area, I think is what I called myself last night. What I don't get is why it has to be all or nothing? Deeply in love or fuck buddy? I want neither, and apparently that is the most difficult thing in the world to find.

Over the course of the last year my overall perception of love has fallen to pieces for reasons we won't get into now, and it has become increasingly mind-blowing to me how any two people could possibly stay in a relationship for an extended period of time. What weight we all carry with us. How on earth are you ever supposed to be on the same page as another human being at just the right moment? A virtual impossibility, I think it is. For we are the generation that carry novellas with us, and whose lives are booked solid. No time, too many words.

I hope, that sometime before these 20s are over that I'll find myself with someone simple, easy. I will not find myself deeply in love, and I will not find myself in The Grey Area. A simple definition, nothing long-lasting, but pleasantly content for a few weeks/months time is the ideal. Taking over the world seems simple enough. Finding the right boy at the right time, the impossible.