Crush Me Baby, One More Time
"That's the thing about crushes," my friend Laura said, "that's what they do: they crush your dreams."
Given that advice you'd think I'd stop crushing on my crush instead of thinking about him more this week than I ever have before. I'm not really in the mood to have my dreams crushed, but I am in the mood to have my heart leap a little bit.
It's been years since I've felt like such an idiot about someone. My friends and co-workers have started making fun of me. They'll send me e-mails:
He wants to sleep with you.
He's sooooo in love with you.
He totally wants you.
These things are not good for my imagination, which runs wild on it's own. I dont need this extra stimulus.
It's a dangerous thing when a friendly, simple, time-wasting crush starts to creep into your real life.
"So he has a girlfriend," my mother says, "A girlfriend is not a fiancee." MY MOTHER says this to me.
Our receptionist: "Have you ever been left for someone else?"
"Almost always," I say, "Every time someone has broken up with me it's been for someone else."
"Well then maybe this is karma," he says, "maybe it's your turn to get the guy you deserve."
Or maybe I'm fucking ridiculous.
Or maybe the fantasy of finding someone impossibly smart who doesn't work in your field but is interested in your field and likes to drink and has coffee every morning and reads the paper and is loyal to his hometown baseball team should remain just a fantasy. The eyes, a fantasy. The inescapable connection, a fantasy.
Or maybe not. Maybe up until now crushes crush your dreams. Maybe when you turn 25 things start to turn out the way you wanted them to. Like in elementary school. Maybe he'll ask me to walk home with him, or talk about the big scary teacher. I guess you never grow out of being a stupid girl no matter how much you try. After all, jewelry, high heels and aloofness were invented for a reason: to lure crushes into reality.
Given that advice you'd think I'd stop crushing on my crush instead of thinking about him more this week than I ever have before. I'm not really in the mood to have my dreams crushed, but I am in the mood to have my heart leap a little bit.
It's been years since I've felt like such an idiot about someone. My friends and co-workers have started making fun of me. They'll send me e-mails:
He wants to sleep with you.
He's sooooo in love with you.
He totally wants you.
These things are not good for my imagination, which runs wild on it's own. I dont need this extra stimulus.
It's a dangerous thing when a friendly, simple, time-wasting crush starts to creep into your real life.
"So he has a girlfriend," my mother says, "A girlfriend is not a fiancee." MY MOTHER says this to me.
Our receptionist: "Have you ever been left for someone else?"
"Almost always," I say, "Every time someone has broken up with me it's been for someone else."
"Well then maybe this is karma," he says, "maybe it's your turn to get the guy you deserve."
Or maybe I'm fucking ridiculous.
Or maybe the fantasy of finding someone impossibly smart who doesn't work in your field but is interested in your field and likes to drink and has coffee every morning and reads the paper and is loyal to his hometown baseball team should remain just a fantasy. The eyes, a fantasy. The inescapable connection, a fantasy.
Or maybe not. Maybe up until now crushes crush your dreams. Maybe when you turn 25 things start to turn out the way you wanted them to. Like in elementary school. Maybe he'll ask me to walk home with him, or talk about the big scary teacher. I guess you never grow out of being a stupid girl no matter how much you try. After all, jewelry, high heels and aloofness were invented for a reason: to lure crushes into reality.
posted by AllDeTime at 6:15 PM
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