Fall Back

Maybe I should start writing in here more often. I think that because today was a hard day. I cried! I cried for the second time this year, which is indicative that I have totally lost my soul. Those two things were:
1. the doctor who told me ACK you might maybe have cancer, go to these 8 million doctors!
2. Chapter 4 in my Theatre Management book.

Grad school is not supposed to make you want to quit your chosen profession. Today at 1:30pm I did. I just read those sentences about how hard it is and cried. Then I wiped my tears, opened the book, read another sentence and cried again. This went on for some time.

After that subsided I got that atrocious sinking feeling that comes in the fall that makes me want to move home, work in some small non-profit and have a healthy, steady boyfriend.

I get homesick for weird things: colored leaves, lazy Sundays with coffee and omelets and the NFL, Saturday nights with wine and lots of sex, blankets, books, my dog.

OK, not like that ever happened to me while I was living in DC, but it's that reflective thing, that reflective time of year when I just want my life to be a little easy and really comfy.

Right now life is really hard and it's wearing stilettos.